Getting back to Me.....

Its been over two years since I have been on depression medication. During my pregnancy with my last girl, I became severely depressed because of the pregnancy. I had to quit my job because of all the complications that I was having. Bella was also sitting right on my sciatic nerve, which caused me server back and hip pain. I could not sleep at all because of the pain. At about six months into the pregnancy I just had had enough. I ended up calling my mom balling my eyes out because I just could not take any more of it. My mom being the RN that she is told me to call my doctor NOW and tell them that I needed something for depression. That is when my life became numb...................

Now over two years have passed and I was still on it. Two weeks ago I ran out of my prescription. I had a doctors appointment on Tuesday, so I figured I would be ok until then. The first week was like any other week except for all the new drama that we have been dealt with(furnace shooting flames out of it{resolved have a new one waiting to get hooked up} JR hit a deer with the Jeep, dealing with my insane grandmother, just to name the major issues). The medication also takes a few days to get out of your system.

This week I have been actually experiencing EMOTIONS. Something that I have not felt in a long time. I have been happy, sad, funny, a bitch, and playful. These are things that I have not felt in a long time and it just really hit me at this moment what all I have been missing out of my life.........

JR and I used to playfully bitch at each other and play around wrestling with each other. I can't remember the last time that we actually did that, besides tonight. I have been more involved with playing with my girls than I have ever been. I used to love to bake and I have been baking and cooking more things. I used to be so creative and for awhile I thought that I had really lost my spark, but even just in typing this post I can feel that it's coming back. I have actually cried this last week....the last time that I cried was before I was on medication. It's healthy to cry once in awhile to let out the emotions that you are feeling, but I wasn't felling any emotions so I never cried.

I may have been somewhat of a bitch at times this week, but now that I am thinking about it I have been expressing my opinion. Any more if I had a thought I would not voice it, I would just let it go. This week I have been truly voicing my opinions.

One side effect of the medication is a low sex drive and I have to agree with that one. I have had no drive what so ever and JR has been somewhat understanding. It is also very difficult to achieve an O. Well, I have to say this week has been amazing!!

I want my life back, the old me, the girl that my husband fell in love with! I don't think I will be picking up my medication.... Do you have any thoughts? If you do feel free to tell me! As soon as I tell my mom she is gonna go off on me and tell me that I need to keep taking them, so good bad, please comment!!